#con gopher

[loonaticskr]

Loonatics KR Bios - Con and Doyle

Art created by @purpleluckystar I now adopted. Disclaimer: I now own Loonatics R including the characters and versions of the Loonatics which will soon have updated versions. I'd like you to please do not use or draw this version without permission first.

Names: Con and Doyle Gophers Age: Early 30′s Nationalities: British naturalized Americans Relatives: Families living in the United Kingdom sometimes mentioned; married to each other.

Personality: Both are outgoing, optimistic, and funny, they also like to (gently) prank people. They are so alike in mind they're sometimes mistaken for brothers (much to their dismay). However, Con is slightly more open to conversation, while Doyle can be more secretive and hide what's going on in his mind, which then concerns his husband.

Powers/Skills: None.

Weapons: None.

Other info:

Con is the one with the lighter fur and amethyst eyes; Doyle is the one with darker fur and blue eyes. Got married in March 2772. Con has trouble "cutting the cord" with his mother, which upset Doyle who could never stand her. Met when studying together to become doctors; never left each other's side ever since. If asked about who took the other's name, they'll never tell.

Con and Doyle are two British doctors who decided to settle in Acmetropolis, USA once they both got their medical degrees and licenses, so they could use all the advanced technology of the city in their work. They first worked in their own office and gained a lot of attention because their utilization of their equipment was far more different than any other physician in the city and offered better results.

One day, Colonel Raccoon, who heard about the two British doctors, walked in their office and offered a post for them both in the U.S. Army, specifically the military corps set up in Acmetropolis. First hesitant because of all the constraints (much more work and no time for a family of their own, not being able to go see their relatives when they wanted, being sworn to secrecy...) they finally accepted after a long conversation. After going through all the procedures, they finally joined the rank of the Medical Corps and rose to the top, taking the lead of their own medical squadron.

When they met the Loonatics, they took it upon themselves to assist them during their missions, watching after them thanks to the devices in their uniforms so they'd be alerted when one of them was injured or unwell. They treat the six young adults with respect and have a lot of faith in them, while still being protective.

[seagull-scribbles]

The found family ever

[foone]

I love snake handling, as a religious practice.

Because while they can point at some Bible verses to justify it (a couple gospels use "snakes can't hurt you" as a metaphor for strength of belief, and they took it very litteraly) it's basically a modern invention. Like, the American Christian practice of snake handling is barely over a hundred years old! That's very young for a Christian practice.

It's younger than Mormons and Christian Scientist, and it's mostly limited to my area: the Appalachians.

It's basically just a regular Pentecostal service (which often involves laying of hands for healing, and my favorite Christian tradition, glossolalia!) except they add The Snake.

Like, you're at church, and there's the pews, and people are going up and Feeling The Spirit, and some of them are Picking Up The Snake.

That's alright, it's a harmless snake, right?

NOPE! They use venomous snakes. Usually American ones (your rattlesnakes and copperheads) but sometimes they import cobras and the like.

The venomous nature is the point. They believe that if they're blessed by God, they'll be able to handle the dangerous snakes without being hurt.

And given that this is a relatively rarely practiced thing, and it's connected to faith healing, you might think it's just a con. There's some traveling "holy man" with a well-trained snake that he can "miraculously" handle without being attacked, right?

Oh god no. It's a bunch of different guys and they get bitten all the time. Wikipedia has a list of 15 of 'em who died because of it, and that's just the "notable" ones.

People are allowed to just come up and touch the venomous snake! No training or safety equipment needed, just Jesus. Reportedly people who get bitten are not considered to be lacking in faith, just "it was their time to go". Like, they don't even call the hospital about anti-venom. You just die.

(Did I mention sometimes they drink poison too? Mainly strychnine, possibly because it's survivable in small doses. Same reason: their faith will protect them)

Anyway I really do love it. It's such an unusual thing to jam into Christianity, that I can't help but be mesmerized by it.

But it makes up the majority of 20th and 21st century American deaths from snakes. Most people avoid snakes so even the most deadly venomous snakes in America usually only ever kill by surprise, like someone reaches into a gopher hole and gets bit, or they accidentally bother one trying to piss in a bush. And even then, we've got anti-venoms! Lots of people bitten make it to the hospital and get treated.

So naturally the main group that ends up dying from snakes is the ones who are constantly handling deadly snakes and then refuse medical care.

[bogarielfrogariel]

my good ending amma playthrough on skyrim is corrupted after repairing my hard drive (rip) but i love her so much but i was level 56 and i really don't want to just do everything over again. so i'm gonna make an astarion follower and do a bad ending

[cryptid-with-an-axe]

-Pros to me doing my field research alone: nobody saw me sprain my ankle by tripping over a gopher hole

-Cons to me doing my field research alone: I keep pointing at bugs/critters going "woah look a cool bug/critter!" and nobody's there to go "woah lemme see!" so I'm really just entertaining myself only

[baddecisionsgoooo0]

Timestuck Soos

So, Timestuck is one of my favorite AU's, and there's been a lot of sub au's (Young Stan and Ford go to the 80's, young stan and ford end up in 2012, Dipper and Mabel end up in 1960 something, Wendy gets transported, etc.)

My idea is Soos is the one transported back in time.

Soos is already Mr. Mystery, so he knows all the drama. He's repairing something around the shack when he accidently grabs a time tape and just zoops back to shortly after Stan gets kicked out.

Soos is slightly confused (not in the "wtf is going on" way but in the "Hmm... oh cool, it's my turn to time travel), but he sees his pretty much adopted father (I headcanon Stan adopts Soos post show) down in the dumps, and decides to help Stan.

Meanwhile, Stan is confused. This big guy who looks kinda like a gopher just showed up, recognized him, and then proceeds to act like an older brother/ father (something Stan has no idea how to deal with).

Soos effectively becomes a perfect distraction for any of Stan's cons, while also teaching Stan some new cons. Dumb cons, like pretending Soos is a descendant of Paul Bunyan. and then getting chased out of Minnesota by the actual descendants of Paul Bunyan,

Eventually, Stan and Soos head towards Gravity Falls. Soos shuts down every argument between Stan and Ford because it's Soos. Bill tries to convince Ford not to trust Soos, but Soos is literally so pure Ford just... ignores Bill.

Eventually, everything is resolved and Soos is like, "Alright dudes, I gotta head home now."

Stan is concerned. "Wait, wasn't your time-doohickey broken?"

Soos laughs "Oh yeah dude. but only for the first week or so. I fixed it within, like, a week."

"So... you could have just gone home at any point?" Stan asks.

"I mean, yeah. But I wasn't gonna abandon you, Mr. Pines."

[raaorqtpbpdy]

Have You Ever...

Danny gets invited to a hero convention as Danny Phantom, and his booth is next to none other than the legendary Ben 10, one of Danny's own favorite heroes. But when the two start playing a modified version of Never-Have-I-Ever to alleviate their boredom between handshakes with fans, they accidentally expose some things they didn't really mean to.

You can also read it on AO3

Written for X-over Danuary Week 2024, Day 1: Ben 10 | Prison Thanks @crossoverdanuary for running this!

I got a late start because I had DnD today, and I finished this at like 10pm, so I didn't have time to edit. I'm planning on editing it later this week, but until then, sorry for any mistakes. [Edit: it has now been edited]

[Warning for mentions of past traumatic experiences]

It was weird to see such a huge convention center so empty.

Well, it wasn't completely empty, but a few people carrying boxes and setting up displays was a significantly smaller crowd than Danny would normally expect to see in a place like this.

"Ah! Danny Phantom you're here!" A woman with a high ponytail and a convention staff t-shirt walked over to him. "Wow, I'm so excited that you actually came!" 

Her voice was familiar.

"Sally, right?" he guessed. "Sally Braddock?"

"You remembered!" She said brightly.

Sally had been the one who'd convinced Danny to come to this convention. She'd offered him pretty substantial payment, but it was only when she told him he could have three free tickets to the convention as well that Tucker told him he had to agree or they wouldn't be friends anymore. 

So here he was, at San Diego Hero Con, halfway across the country, to sit at a table and sign autographs for a few hours each day, and then do an hour-long panel with a bunch of other teen heroes, and another tomorrow on specifically ghost hunting. (He was still debating whether he should actually show up to that one, or if it would be too dangerous.) The worst part, though, was how early he had to wake up to set up his booth before the event started.

"Here's your presenter badge," Sally said, and handed him a bright yellow name tag clipped to a blue lanyard with the convention's logo on it. "Celebrity meet-and-greets are over there. I'll lead the way. We try not to put them too close to each other or the lines get out of control, but your booth is right next to Ben 10's."

Danny perked up at that. "The alien guy?"

"Yup!"

Oh, man, he hoped he'd get the chance to talk to him. Ben 10 was Danny's favorite superhero. He got to fight real life aliens, sometimes in actual space! And sure, Danny had been to space before that one time Technus had taken over a satellite, but it had still been a ghost fight. It wasn't the same.

"So, this is your table," Sally said, pointing to an empty, white folding table. "Do you have a tablecloth, or banners or headshots or anything?" she asked him with a tight smile.

"Uh.... I don't photograph well," he replied.

Sally sighed. "Well, I can bring over one of the convention tablecloths, but you really should get some kind of poster or cardboard cut-out or something that shows people who they're meeting. And you'll definitely need something to sign. Comic books, or T-shirts. Anything, really. There's a portrait artist in Artists Alley who works pretty fast, her name is Jess. If you get something from her, I can send a gopher to make copies for you to sign." 

"Uh, okay? But, I can just call a friend to bring something."

"Whatever works." With that, Sally left to go organize something else.

Danny called up Sam, who was back at the hotel with Tucker—Tucker would no doubt still be sleeping—and asked her to find a nearby print shop and get a Danny Phantom Banner to hang up and a whole bunch of 8x10 illustrations of him. He let her pick the picture, but asked her to please not pick anything too embarrassing.

Right as he hung up, a pair of people approached the booth next to him carrying plastic tubs. It was none other than Ben 10 himself and a tall, furry, blue alien who was no doubt one of his allies. (That or a cosplayer, but since they were with Ben 10 himself, Danny felt safe in assuming that they really were an alien.) The two of them placed their tubs on the floor and opened them up to start unpacking their display.

"Woah, hi!" Danny said, louder than he meant to.

Ben 10 snapped his head around, muscles tensing. Danny recognized that response all too well, and tried not to let out a sympathetic wince.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he said. "You're Ben 10, right? I know this is cringey to say, but I'm a huge fan."

"Uh, thanks? Just Ben is fine."

"I'm Danny Phantom, but you can just call me Danny."

"I can see that... uh... nice to meet you?" Ben replied. He seemed uncomfortable. Had Danny come on too strong.

"Something wrong?"

"What? No, of course not," Ben said, though it wasn't very convincing.

"I am Rook Blonko," Ben's companion said, offering Danny a handshake which he excitedly accepted. "It is an honor to meet another hero, though I will admit, it was only recently that I came to learn about you." 

"Oh, yeah," Danny let out an awkward laugh and rubbed the back of his head. "My scope is a lot more regional and sometimes not very... in this dimension." 

"That would be... the Ghost Zone, right?" Ben said casually. "What's it like? Anything like the Null Void?"

So he was at least somewhat familiar with Danny and his exploits. Danny tried not to let that go to his head, but he couldn't help feeling a little giddy nonetheless. Ben laid down a black tablecloth with his logo on it and spread it across his table. This definitely wasn't his first rodeo.

"I don't know about the Null Void," Danny said. "It's like the bottom side of this dimension. It's where ghosts live... or... not live. Reside. Almost everything is green because of all the ectoplasm there, and when humans go there, they can pass right through walls and objects just like ghosts can in this dimension."

"That does not sound like the Null Void at all," Rook observed, pulling rods and boards out of one of the boxes and assembling them into a small standing shelf.

"What's the Null Void like?" Danny asked.

"Mostly red," Ben said with a shrug. "Full of floating islands and enormous aliens. Used as a penal colony for this dimension's worst criminals."

"Oh... yeah, no. Aside from the floating islands, that doesn't sound anything like the Ghost Zone," Danny agreed. "Although it's kind of a cool coincidence that we both have experience with alternate dimensions."

"Yeah, I guess so." Ben looked over at Danny and his sad excuse for a booth—really looking for the first time. "First time at one of these things?"

"Oh yeah," Danny confirmed. "My friend is bailing me out at a print shop right now, but I was so unprepared."

Ben snorted. "Here," he said, digging through one of his boxes and pulling out a bright green swath of fabric. "You can use one of my tablecloths. I brought an extra, just in case. It has my logo on one side, but if you turn it around so the logo faces you no one will be the wiser. We have basically the same color scheme, so it works out."

"Thanks," Danny accepted the tablecloth, slightly surprised, and spread it out over his table. It was almost exactly ectoplasm green, just a shade or two darker. "Have you been to a lot of conventions?"

"A few," Ben said.

"This is your fourth," Rook said.

"That sounds right. If it hadn't been for Rook, I probably would've been just as lost as you at my first one. He's all about preparing in advance. But yeah, I've been a public hero for over a year now, and since my identity isn't a secret anymore, it's easier for the people who run these things to get a hold of me."

"About that... why don't you have a secret identity?"

"It wasn't exactly my choice," Ben replied. "Some kid found it out and exposed me on the internet. It turned out surprisingly well, though, for the most part. Must be nice for you though, not having an alternate identity—not that being dead is nice or anything like that—I mean, it's not a bad thing—or it is a bad thing? I uh... yeah, I don't know what I'm saying."

After taking a moment to parse that rambling sentence, Danny burst out laughing. 

"Hahaha! Is that why you're acting so uncomfortable around me? Because I'm dead? Ha! You don't have to worry about that. You're fine."

"Serious?"

"Dead serious," Danny replied with a smirk.

Ben shook his head with a soft laugh. "Alright, fine.... Actually, that's not the only reason. Back when I was ten and just starting out I had... a bad experience with a ghost-like alien of mine. Ever since, ghost stuff just puts me a little on edge."

"Oh... I see. Well, don't worry, I won't take it personally," Danny said. "Did you really start doing this when you were ten?"

"Yeah. Although I kinda retired for a few years when I was eleven, and started up again when I was fifteen."

Danny did some quick math in his head. "Oh, so altogether, you and me have been in this for about the same amount of time. 'Cause I got started a little over two years ago."

"Yeah?" Ben was silent for a few moments. He pulled out boxed figurines of his alien forms and lined them up on the shelf Rook had assembled. "So... when did you...."

"Die?" Danny finished for him. "I was fourteen. I'm almost seventeen now. In about three months, I mean."

"Do you still age?"

"Sort of?" Danny shrugged.

He and Jazz had come up with an answer to this question a little while ago, when people noticed that Danny Phantom was starting to look older, even though ghosts supposedly didn't age.

"A ghost's body is a reflection of their mental image of themself. In the Zone, ghosts don't really age or change unless something specific happens that makes them feel older or different. Because I spend so much time in the human world still, because I learn and grow with each fight, I still feel like I'm growing up, so I look like I'm growing up, too."

"That is fascinating," Rook said. "I would love to learn more about ghostly biology."

"I would love to tell you about it. Problem is, I really don't know that much," Danny told him apologetically. He shrugged. "Sorry. I'm a superhero, not a scientist."

"I'm here!" Sam called, her heavy combat boots tromping into the room. She was carrying a large cardboard box. "I would have been here sooner, but I had to put together a design for the banner. Luckily I found a printer that could make one for you on short notice like this, or you'd be screwed."

"You're a life saver!"

"You wish," she scoffed. "I got you a banner and three hundred head shots."

"That's not gonna be enough," Ben said immediately.

"Ya think?" Sam asked.

"Trust me."

She sighed heavily in annoyance. "Okay, I can go back and get some more, but you so owe me, Danny."

"Yeah, I know," Danny said, taking the box from Sam. "You're the best!"

"Yeah, yeah," she said, taking one of the head shots off the top of the stack and leaving again.

"Is that your friend?" Ben asked.

"One of them," Danny confirmed, setting the box down on the table. "That's Sam. She and Tucker have been with me since the beginning. He's probably still asleep at the hotel."

He pulled out a stack of head shots for the table and slid the box with the rest underneath. She'd picked a good picture. It was a poster illustration for a local ghost awareness presentation he'd done a while back, and he nearly sighed with relief when he saw it. He'd been half afraid she'd pick one of the grainy newspaper photos of him in his underwear.

"That's cool," Ben said. "Yeah, I don't think anyone could do this job without allies. When I first started, I had my Grandpa and my cousin, then my cousin and my best friend, and now I have Rook as my partner."

"We have been together for a year," Rook added.

"Like... together together or...?"

"Working partners," Ben clarified insistently. "It's not like that."

"Oh, okay, my bad."

Hoping to alleviate his embarrassment, Danny unfurled his new banner and flew up to hang it on the wall behind his booth. It looked cool, but not too complicated. Just his name and logo and a little bit of ghost designs around the edges. Sam had done a good job with it.

"You are not the first to think that," Rook consoled. "It is a more common assumption than one might think."

They continued chatting idly while they set up their booths. Danny got to ask Rook what kind of alien he was, and what his home planet was like. Sam showed up with a whole bunch more photos and then immediately abandoned them to get a sneak preview of artist alley before she came back as an attendee.

Just before the convention center officially opened, Danny worked up the courage to ask Ben for an autograph, and Ben obliged him with a smile, offering an exchange, rather than asking for payment. Danny eagerly accepted, signing one of his own pictures and trading it for Ben's. Ben's looked far more professional than his own. He hoped people wouldn't be disappointed.

As people started trickling in past the security checkpoint up front, both heroes only got a few people in the beginning. After only about twenty minutes of boredom, Ben suggested they play a game.

"Sure," Danny agreed. "What game?"

"My buddy Kevin calls it Reverse-Never-Have-I-Ever, and my cousin calls it Have-You-Ever." Ben said. "See, we could never play regular Never-Have-I-Ever, because we all knew all the weird stuff we'd done and we'd target each other mercilessly. With this version, You say something you have done, and anyone who hasn't done it loses a point. If everyone's done it, no one loses a point."

"Okay... I think I get the idea, but why don't you start? Five fingers or ten?"

"Let's start with five," Ben said. "Rook, you playing?"

"I will pass," Rook said. "I always lose this game."

"Alright, if that's what you want." Ben shrugged. "Alright, Danny, have you ever... transformed into a different species?"

"Yes."

"You have?!"

"Uh, yeah. I went from human to ghost. Duh."

"Oh... right, duh," Ben agreed, shaking his head at how foolish he'd been to blow his first question like that. "Wow, I can't believe I didn't even think about that...."

"My turn, right?" Danny said. "Have you ever fought an evil alternate version of yourself?"

"Yeah, like six of 'em."

"Okay, well, now you're just showing off."

Ben smirked. "Oh, I never get to use this one on my friends. Have you ever been to space?"

Danny smirked right back. "One of my rogues possessed an orbital satellite."

"Damn it!" 

Someone walked over to Danny's table and he smiled at her, pointedly ignored the way she shivered when he shook her hand, and signed a photo for her.

"Okay," he said, shifting his attention back to the game, "have you ever... been cut in two."

"I regenerated, but yeah."

"How?" Danny demanded.

"Plant alien."

"I should've guessed. Stupid plant creatures with their stupid regenerative powers. Undergrowth-ass alien. Lame." 

Ben laughed at him while he signed a figurine for a fan who came to his table. "How about this. Have you ever fought a medieval-style knight?"

"A knight? Hold on." Danny considered that for a moment. Had he? He'd rescued Sam from Dora's realm that one time, and yeah, he'd definitely had to fight the ghosts of knights then. Oh! Also Fright Knight. How could he forget about him. "Yes, I have definitely fought knights on several occasions. Ghost knights, obviously."

"Ugh! I really thought I had you with that one. Why do ghosts who died a thousand years ago have to stick around for so long?"

"Nope!" Danny teased. "Okay, how about this one. Have you ever fought a ghost?"

"Define ghost?" Ben asked.

"The law defines a ghost as any creature which produces ectoplasm, is composed of ectoplasm, or requires ectoplasm to survive," Danny recited. 

There was no need to say which law—that would be the anti-ecto acts. It was stupid that those stupid acts were still even law when public support of ghosts had never been higher. Although, they hadn't been as heavily enforced the last year or so, since the G.I.W. lost a lot of funding after repeatedly failing to catch their most wanted, Danny.

"Then yes, I have," Ben said. "Have you ever fought an alien?"

"Define alien."

"A creature originating from a planet or plane other than Earth."

"Then yes, ghosts."

"Ah ah ah!" Ben argued. "Ghosts are the spirits of dead humans, which means they originate on Earth."

"Except that not all ghosts are the spirits of dead humans," Danny countered right back. "Many ghosts originally formed inside the Ghost Zone, which makes them, by your definition, aliens, and I have fought them, too. Also I fought off some Incurseans back when they invaded the Earth a little while back. It was awesome." 

Ben groaned.

"Haha! Gotcha!"

"Just go already."

"Have you ever died?"

"Ha! Yes, I have," Ben said, as if dying was some huge victory. "You probably thought you had me, but you were wrong. I may have been brought back through alien magic and/or time travel, but yes, I have died. Speaking of which, have you ever time-traveled."

"Psh, have I time traveled?" Danny scoffed. "I have literally met the Ancient, omniscient Master of Time. He's a huge pain in the neck."

It was at this point that more people started accumulating at the two heroes' tables. Some got in line for autographs, though both Ben and Danny were too engrossed in their game at this point to give their full attention. Others just stood, watching, and listening to the two of them. A few even started filming their little game.

"Alright, my turn," Danny said. "Have you ever... oh, I have a good one! Have you ever had to fight your best friend after he copied your powers which then caused him to lose his mind and become evil?"

"Literally how?!" Ben shouted.

"Is that a no?"

"No, I meant 'literally how' as in how has something that specific happened to both of us?"

"No way!"

"Yes way! That's happened to Kevin more than once."

"What?!"

"I know, right?"

"It is also strange for this game to go so long without any of the participants losing a point," Rook said. "I believe it is at this point that I would have lost, had I been participating."

"You put up a good fight, Rook," Ben joked.

"But... I was not playing?"

"I was teasing, Rook."

"Ah, yes."

"Whose turn is it now?" Ben asked. "Mine, right?"

"Yeah," Danny confirmed.

"Have you ever had a limb severed?"

"Yes, but I'm a ghost, so I reattached it pretty easily. Have you ever altered the fabric of reality?"

"I once had to recreate the entire universe after it got destroyed, and then went on intergalactic trial for doing it. And the worst part is, ever since then, grape smoothies just don't taste the same. It's so frustrating. I did get this super comfortable hoodie out of it, though." 

"Ew, smoothies?" Danny grimaced. "What are you a yoga mom?"

Ben stood up, slamming a hand on his table and with the other, he pointed accusingly at Danny. "Smoothies are delicious, screw you!"

"You're just frustrated because I'm winning."

"You're not winning, neither of us have lost a single point! But you will!" Ben declared. "Have you ever saved the whole entire universe."

"Yes."

"What?" Ben fell back into his chair, deflated.

"A while back, this one group, the G.I.W. tried to destroy the Ghost Zone with a special anti-ghost nuke, and I stopped them. The Ghost Zone is the flip side of our dimension, so if it had been destroyed, it would have taken our universe along with it. Hence, I saved the universe. I just didn't let it get all over international news first."

"Boo!"

"Isn't that my line?" Danny said. 

Ben threw a sharpie at him and he turned intangible and let it pass right through him while he laughed at his own joke.

"Anyway, have you ever visited an alternate timeline where the entire earth is barren and desolate and the alternate version of you rules supreme?"

"Yes, I call it the Mad Universe, because it looked like Mad Max, you know?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess I can see it. But really? You have?"

"Yup. The alternate version of Rook was a jerk." 

Rook frowned but didn't have the chance to say anything before Ben kept talking.

"Have you ever... I don't know... every time I go weirder, you just match me. Have you ever had a family member be friends with one of you enemies?"

"Yeah, my dad considers my archenemy his best friend in the world," Danny said. "The feeling is not mutual, though. Have you ever been imprisoned by one of your enemies?"

"More times than I can count. Have you ever asexually reproduced?"

"Do clones count?"

"No!" Ben refused.

"Yes," Rook argued, possibly still upset about Ben's jerk comment. "Technically, cloning is a form of asexual reproduction."

"But could they fly?"

"I don't see how that's relevant to asexual reproduction, but yes," Danny said. "They were ghosts. They could fly. Most of them were too unstable to survive though. There's only one left." He frowned.

"Oh... sorry."

"It's... fine." It wasn't fine. He still found himself lying awake at night thinking about them sometimes. Danny shook his head and plastered on a determined grin. "I really think I've got you this time, though."

"Do you?" Ben did not sound convinced.

"Have you ever had to fight sentient food that was not still alive?"

"Y—wait...." Ben frowned as he thought about it for a long moment. "No... I haven't."

"Yes!" Danny cheered and Ben buried his head in his hands, humiliated. "This puts me in the lead."

"Not for long," Ben said. "Have you ever eaten food from another planet?"

"Wha—noooo...." 

"Ha!"

"We're dead even again." 

Their game continued.

"Have you ever fought a cult's subject of worship?"

"Have you ever had a Christmas-themed battle?"

"Have you ever fought on the same side as one of your enemies?"

"Have you ever been called upon to end a war?"

"Have you ever unexpectedly developed a new power that caused you trouble?"

"Have you ever used your powers to get out of other responsibilities?"

"Have you ever had to skip out on something you were really looking forward to and save the day?"

"Have you ever been blamed for property damage your enemies caused just because you happened to be there at the time?"

"Have you ever been mind controlled?"

"Have you ever fought an evil circus?"

The game kept going on and on, while they absently shook hands and signed autographs, with neither of them giving up another point. Until Sally showed up to tell them it was time to go to the teen hero panel they were on. 

It was only then that they looked up and saw all the cameras that had been recording their game. How long had they been recording? How much had they gotten?

"Uh... right," Ben said. "Sorry everyone. You can come back for autographs after the panel. And Danny, I think we're gonna have to call it a draw."

"We'll have to have a rematch some other time," Danny said, trying to keep his tone light, despite his sudden anxiety. 

Sally led the two of them to a large room with rows upon rows of empty seats, right down the aisle to the stage up front where a man in his thirties was already standing, and a masked teenage girl with glowing pink hair and eyes was sitting behind the table.

"Hello, I'm John and I'll be moderating this panel," the man introduced. "This is Lucky Girl, another teen hero we invited. Lucky Girl, this is Ben 10 and Danny Phantom."

"Nice to meet you," Danny said.

"I can't believe they roped you into this," Ben said, smiling at the girl like he knew her.

"Shut up," the girl barked back. "We can't all gain international fame overnight, and I have to pay for student housing."

"You two already know each other?" John asked, surprised.

"Oh yeah, we've known each other for a long time," Ben said. "All our lives, in fact."

"Ben, I swear if you give me away I will hex you so bad your children's children's children will travel for miles just to spit on your grave."

Ben put up his hands in surrender, and took his seat without another word. Danny followed his lead. This Lucky Girl didn't seem like the kind of person he wanted to mess with.

Once they were all in their seats, John gave them a quick run down of how the panel would go. He would ask a few questions. They would answer. He would open it up to questions from the audience, and they would answer those too. After an hour, the panel would be over, and they would return to their booths, or in Lucky Girl's case, simply leave, as she apparently didn't have a booth.

"She uses her powers to disguise herself, but she can't keep that up for more than an hour and a half," Ben whispered to Danny, clearly sensing his confusion. "She'll probably hang around for a little while after to greet fans, but she'll have to leave when her mana's drained."

"Oh, okay, that makes sense," Danny whispered back, nodding. "I was worried it might be like a sexism thing."

"As if she'd stand for something like that," Ben scoffed.

Soon enough, the doors opened, and people started trickling in. The seats filled up with mostly teens and young adults, with a few parents and older adults sprinkled in. Danny noticed Sam and Tucker come in and sit in the back row and waved at them. Rook was also sitting in the back row, trying not to draw attention to himself. Although, it seemed like most people thought he was a cosplayer, so he didn't really have to bother hiding.

When the doors closed, John started the panel.

The first part was easy. 

John asked questions like: "How do you balance being a hero with the other responsibilities you have as an adolescent?"

"Honestly, not well. You know how people say 'you can sleep when you're dead'? Yeah, that's a lie." 

"I'm lucky enough to have a good memory so I don't have to study much, otherwise my grades in school would tank. For me, the real struggle is finding time to do chores." 

"I prioritize my other responsibilities. I don't usually face world-ending, city-destroying threats like these two, which allows me the luxury of saving hero work for after my homework is finished."

And: "Where do you go when you want to de-stress after saving the day?"

"I usually go over to my friends' and play video games. I feel safe around them."

"If the sun's still up, Mr. Smoothie. But if it's late, I like to go out for chili fries."

"The library. I know it makes me sound like a nerd, but whatever. I am a nerd. Who cares."

And: "How do your parents figure in to you heroic activities?"

"They... don't know. They don't exactly have a great opinion of ghosts, and they don't recognize me when... I mean, they don't recognize me anymore. So I guess they don't figure in." That wasn't entirely true, but Danny wasn't about to say they shot at him in front of a crowd of hundreds of people.

"My parents are actually very supportive. At first, they wanted me to quit, because they were worried about my safety, but I changed their minds. They raised me to know right from wrong, and to help others whenever I can, and they're proud of me."

"My parents don't know either, and I don't live with them right now because I live on my school campus, so I guess, like Phantom, my parents don't really figure in either."

They were easy questions to answer, even if Danny didn't always tell the whole truth. John kept things light, focusing mostly on them being teenagers, and how being a hero affected that aspect of their life, rather than the other way around. There were a couple questions about battles and enemies, but for the most part, they avoided the heavy stuff.

Then, about halfway into the panel, John opened it up to the audience to ask questions.

They didn't shy away from the heavy stuff.

"Hi, I'm Mandy, big fan," said a girl with curly brown hair. "I have two questions for Ben, first is, are you dating anyone?"

Ben chuckled, trying to sound amused, even though, up close, Danny could tell the question made him uncomfortable.

"No, I'm not dating right now."

The girl giggled for a moment before asking her next question. "My next question is: when you're fighting an alien invasion basically by yourself, do you ever feel afraid?"

Ben didn't answer right away. He took a breath, and nodded.

"Yes," he said. "I know I'm strong, and there's a lot that I can do and have done, but when I'm outnumbered a thousand to one, yeah, I'm a little afraid."

"Not that you were ever actually by yourself," Lucky Girl pointed out.

"Heh," Ben rubbed his neck awkwardly. "That's true. Even if there weren't many, I've always had people in my corner."

The next person who stepped up was a guy in a Danny Phantom T-shirt which read 'it's not gay if he's dead.'

Danny immediately groaned and Ben grinned hugely. "Before you ask your question, I have a question for you. Where did you get that shirt?"

"I got it at a souvenir shop when I went to Amity Park, but I think you can buy them online, too," they guy said.

"I'm getting one."

Danny groaned even more insistently.

"My question is for Phantom. If you hadn't died, do you think you still would have become a hero, and protected your home from ghosts?"

"Honestly? I don't know," Danny admitted. "Amity Park does have other ghost hunters, the Fentons and Red Huntress, for example. If I hadn't d... if I didn't have my powers, I wouldn't really have the ability to protect anybody. I'd probably leave it to the ghost hunters who were better equipped."

"And for Lucky Girl, are you single?"

"Ha ha no," she said flatly. "I have a boyfriend."

"Figures."

Next up was a girl in some pretty fantastic Lucky Girl cosplay. Her wig even lit up. Although she looked like she was quite a bit taller than the real thing.

"Lucky Girl, do your periods ever interfere with fighting crime?"

"Uh... that's a bit personal," Lucky Girl said instantly, as if the answer was instinctive. 

But when she saw the way the girl reacted like she'd been slapped, hunching in on herself with shame, Lucky Girl bit her lip and answered anyway. 

"Actually... the life of a superhero is really stressful. The kind of stress that has... biological effects. When I first started fighting crime as, like, a regular thing, I didn't have a period for months. When I finally did again it was... you know what, I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say, it was really bad. Like, my doctor prescribed me pills to stop me from menstruating bad. So... I guess the answer to your question is 'not anymore' and also sorry for the TMI." She finished with a short grimace.

"Thank you for answering," the girl said before going to sit back down.

Ben covered his mic and turned to her. "How come I never knew about that?"

"Are you kidding?" Lucky Girl muttered back. "Like I'm gonna discuss my cycle with a fifteen-year-old boy."

Ben didn't even attempt to argue with that.

As... much as those questions were, it was the next one that really stopped everything in its tracks.

"Hi, I'm Michael. I don't know if you know about this video that's going around. It was only posted, like, less than an hour ago, but it's really blown up in fan circles already," the young man said. "The video shows Phantom and Ben 10... I guess playing a game or something? Where you guys are asking each other if you'd done certain things and basically comparing experiences with each other? Do you know it?"

Ben and Danny shot each other anxious looks.

"Uh... I haven't seen it, but I think we know what you're talking about," Ben answered cautiously. "Is that your question?"

"No, my question is... well, in the video you guys are talking about alternate timelines, and fighting evil versions of yourselves, and getting mind-controlled, and changing reality. I guess my question is. Did all that stuff really happen to you guys?"

Neither Ben nor Danny wanted to answer. They didn't look at each other, or the crowd. They deeply regretted playing a game that revealed such personal secrets in a public space.

Finally, Ben cleared his throat. "Yes, all that happened." Danny nodded his own confirmation. "The life we lead is a dangerous one, and it demands sacrifices, and it takes a lot from you, and it puts you in a lot of strange situations that few others can understand. It's... not for everyone."

The next fan stepped up to the mic. "Follow up questions. First, how are you guys like... functional? Because I mean, if I'd gone through the kind of stuff you were talking about in that video, I think I'd have a mental breakdown. Second, why would you put yourselves through all that?"

"Well, first off, bold of you to assume I've never had a mental breakdown," Danny said. "And secondly, if we don't do it, who will?" he asked. "We're not just random ordinary high schoolers who up and decided to subject ourselves to unspeakable trauma just for the fun of it. 

"We do this because we have the power to do things others can't, to fight enemies other people can't fight. We do this because if we don't... if we don't, people die. Or worse. People experience the kind of things we do trying to protect them. So I guess the answer to both of your questions is, what other choice do we have?"

"Yeah, exactly what Danny said," Ben agreed. "I tried to give up my powers, and my responsibilities once, and people got hurt because of it. My grandpa.... Because I wanted to live a normal life, to take it easy, there was no one else to protect them. It is every individual's responsibility to do what they can to help others. It just so happens that we can do more than most, and that comes with drawbacks. 

"Lucky Girl, care to weigh in? You weren't in the video, but I know you've had your share of superhero related trauma."

"I think you guys pretty much covered it," she replied. "I don't think I've been through quite as much as you two, but I definitely know about the sacrifices we make for this life. I also know that it's worth it to know that the people and places you love are safe and protected because of you."

The boy's both nodded in agreement.

The questions didn't really lighten up after that. "What's the worst experience you've ever had as a hero?" "Have you ever failed to protect someone?" "We heard Ben 10 say so already, but have you ever wanted to quit, or wished you never had powers in the first place?"

After a point, John noticed how uncomfortable they were getting and had to step in and ask that the next few questions not be so dark.

A younger girl, maybe even a middle schooler, hand mercy on them at last, and asked, "What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you while you were saving the day?" and from there the questions finally eased up.

It felt like it had been far longer than an hour when the session ended, and they left the stage and returned to their booths to sign autographs and shake hands and listen to dozens of people gushing, "I'm you're biggest fan!"

They didn't pick up their game again, even when things got slow. Evidently they'd learned their lesson. And they kept learning it as more and more of the people who came to visit them asked about that video. Each time Danny had to smile and laugh it off, the regret deepened. 

It had been a while since he felt like such a complete idiot. Since he'd done something so thoughtless. He'd gotten a lot better at keeping secrets over the years, but he'd just been so excited to talk with someone he had so much in common with—and yeah, he'd probably gotten a little too competitive also. He should have known better.

"So uh... I was at your panel earlier," said a girl who placed a science magazine on the table for him to sign. The cover touted an article about 10 Things You Didn't Know About Ghosts (they have their own culture!). Danny remembered doing that interview.

"That's nice, thanks for coming," Danny said, his smile tensing. "Do you want me to sign the cover, or the page with the article."

"The cover please," the girl said. "For Marnie. And um... I was too nervous to stand up and ask before, but... I was really curious."

"Oh?" Danny asked, keeping his eyes on his hand as he signed the cover 'To Marnie, stay spooky'.

"Why would you make it a game?" she asked. "Wouldn't it be better to try to forget all those things?"

"Easier said than done," Danny said. "Things like that stay with you. Turning them into a joke or a game takes the power away from those bad memories. When you're laughing at your fears, what can they do to you? That's the way I see it. Ben might have another reason, and technically, it was his game. He came up with it."

"So... what you're saying is, laughter is the best medicine?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Danny agreed. He slid the magazine back to her. "Thanks for coming by."

Finally, Danny's shift was over, and Ben's ended at the same time. Just in time, too, because Danny was just about out of photos. He'd have to get more for tomorrow. He signed his last picture with a sigh of relief, thankful that the convention staff had come by to cut off the line when it was about time for him to be finished.

"You finished too, Danny?" Ben asked.

"Yup."

"You wanna go get lunch with us? Wait... do ghosts eat?"

"We do, but I was gonna meet up with my friends for lunch today, and then explore the convention a little." Danny said. "Are you gonna be here tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'm here for the whole con," Ben said. "Here, let me give you my number. We should keep in touch."

"Totally!" Danny agreed. "It'll be nice to have an actual superhero friend. I love Sam and Tucker, but there are some things...."

"Yeah, I get what you mean."

After swapping numbers the two of them headed off to their separate engagements. Danny transformed and got to experience what else Hero Con had to offer without getting swarmed by fans like he saw happening to Ben that afternoon.

They met up again the next day. Chatted at their booths, had lunch together, checked out the fan artists, just hung out for a while. This time around, Danny didn't have his human form to protect him from the crowds. 

That video of their game haunted them both for the rest of the convention. People kept bringing it up until it became almost more annoying than mortifying. 

When Hero Con finally ended, they both breathed sighs of relief. The convention was over, but Ben and Danny kept in touch. They never did have that rematch though. In fact, they were both pretty much done with 'Have-You-Ever'.

[slimesaysthings]

Étoiles: "Are you going to Twitch Con in Vegas?"

Slimecicle: "No, I just stay in my home and just wither away, and live my simple life in the woods."

Étoiles: "Oh, well that's cool too, you know-"

Slimecicle: "I saw a gopher today."

[xiaomercy]

"I Want To Hold Your Hand" Sunday/Robin

Warnings: Underage, Non-Con, Grooming, Sibling Incest

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: Sunday's 11 years old and figuring out a lot of things about himself. Under Gopher Wood's guidance, he learns more about his body and his feelings for his sister.

Originally posted on AO3 June 2024

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Enshitternet

Going to Burning Man? Catch me on Tuesday at 2:40pm on the Center Camp Stage for a talk about enshittification and how to reverse it; on Wednesday at noon, I'm hosting Dr Patrick Ball at Liminal Labs (6:15/F) for a talk on using statistics to prove high-level culpability in the recruitment of child soldiers.

On September 6 at 7pm, I'll be hosting Naomi Klein at the LA Public Library for the launch of Doppelganger.

On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

This week on my podcast, I read "Enshitternet: The old, good internet deserves a new, good internet," my recent Medium column about building a better internet:

https://doctorow.medium.com/enshitternet-c1d4252e5c6b

As John @hodgman is fond of reminding us, "nostalgia is a toxic impulse." It is easy for an old net.hand like me to fall into the trap of shaking his fist at the cloud. Having been on the other side of that dynamic, I can tell you it's no fun.

When I got on BBSes in the early 1980s, there was an omnipresent chorus of grumps insisting that the move from honest acoustic couplers to decadent modems was the end of the Golden Age of telecommunications:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_coupler

When I got on Usenet shortly thereafter, the Unix Greybeard set never passed up an opportunity to tell us newcomers that the Fidonet-Usenet bridge allowed the barbarian hordes to overwhelm their Athenian marketplace of ideas:

https://technicshistory.com/2020/06/25/the-era-of-fragmentation-part-4-the-anarchists/

When I joined The WELL in the late 1980s, I was repeatedly assured that the good times were over, and that we would never see their like again:

https://www.well.com/

Now that I'm 52, I've learned to recognize this dynamic, from the Eternal September:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_September

to the moral panic over menuing systems replacing CLIs:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/02/gopher-when-adversarial-interoperability-burrowed-under-gatekeepers-fortresses

to the culture wars over what would happen when the net got a normie-friendly GUI:

https://www.dejavu.org/1993win.htm

And yeah, I've done it too, explaining "Why I won’t buy an iPad (and think you shouldn’t, either)":

https://memex.craphound.com/2010/04/01/why-i-wont-buy-an-ipad-and-think-you-shouldnt-either/

But there's a key difference between my own warnings about the enshittification that new "user friendly" technologies would engender and all those other AARP members' complaints: they were wrong, and I was right.

As Tom Eastman reminded us, the internet really was better, back before it became "five giant websites filled with screenshots of text of the other four":

https://twitter.com/tveastman/status/1069674780826071040

The underlying pathology of that enshittification wasn't the UI, or whether it involved an app store. As the Luddites knew, the important thing about a technology isn't what it does, but who it does it for and who it does it to:

https://locusmag.com/2022/01/cory-doctorow-science-fiction-is-a-luddite-literature/

The problem wasn't which technology we used. There is nothing inherent about touchscreens that makes them into prisons that trap users, rather than walled gardens that protect them.

Likewise, the problem wasn't who made that technology. We didn't swap wise UUCP Monks for venal tech bros. The early tech world was full of public-spirited sysops, but it was also full of would-be monopolists who tried – and failed – to get us to "stop talking to each other and start buying things":

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/stop-talking-to-each-other-and-start

If it wasn't the technology that killed the old, good internet, and if it wasn't the people who killed the old, good internet, where did the enshitternet come from?

It wasn't the wrong tech, it wasn't the wrong people: it was the wrong rules. After all, the Apple ][+ went on sale the year Ronald Reagan hit the campaign trail. Consumer tech was the first industry born after antitrust was dismantled, and it created the modern monopoly playbook: buying and merging with competitors. The resulting unity of purpose and anticompetitive profit margins allowed tech to capture its regulators and secure favorable court and legislative outcomes.

The simultaneous drawdown of antitrust enforcement and growth of tech meant that tech's long-standing cycle of renewal was ended. Tech companies that owed their existence to their ability to reverse-engineer incumbent companies' products and make interoperable replacements and add-ons were able to ban anyone else from doing unto them as they did unto the giants that came before them:

https://doctorow.medium.com/let-the-platforms-burn-6fb3e6c0d980

The pirates became admirals, and set about creating a "felony contempt of business model":

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/03/painful-burning-dribble/#law-of-intended-consequences

They changed the rules to ensure that they could "disrupt" anyone they chose, but could themselves mobilize the full might of the US government to prevent anyone from disrupting them:

https://locusmag.com/2019/01/cory-doctorow-disruption-for-thee-but-not-for-me/

The old, good internet was the internet we we able to make while tech was still realizing the new anticompetitive powers it had at its disposal, and it disappeared because every administration, R and D, from Reagan to Trump, yanked more and more Jenga blocks out of the antitrust tower.

In other words: the old, good internet was always doomed, because it was being frantically built in an ever-contracting zone of freedom to tinker, where technologies could be operated by and for the people who used them.

Today, the Biden administration has ushered in a new era of antitrust renewal, planting the seeds of a disenshittification movement that will tame corporate power rather than nurturing it:

https://www.eff.org/de/deeplinks/2021/08/party-its-1979-og-antitrust-back-baby

In other words, we are living in the first days of a better nation.

In other words, rather than restoring the old, good internet, we should build a new, good internet.

What is a new, good internet? It's an internet where it's legal to:

reverse-engineer the products and services you use, to add interoperability to them so you can leave a social network without leaving your friends:

https://www.eff.org/interoperablefacebook

jailbreak devices to remove antifeatures, like surveillance, ink-locking, or repair-blocking:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/17/have-you-tried-not-spying/#coppa

move your media files and apps from any platform to any device or service, even if the company that sold them to you objects:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/09/07/audible-exclusive/#audiblegate

A new, good internet gives powers to users, and takes power away from corporations:

https://doctorow.medium.com/twiddler-1b5c9690cce6

On a new, good internet, companies can't practice algorithmic wage discrimination:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

They can't turn search into an auction between companies that match your query and companies that want to sell you fakes and knockoffs:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/28/enshittification/#relentless-payola

They can't charge rent to the people whose feeds you asked to read for the privilege of reaching you:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

In fact, a new, good internet is one where we euthanize rentiers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

On the new good internet, your boss can't use bossware to turn "work from home" into "live at work":

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/24/gwb-rumsfeld-monsters/#bossware

And on top of that, you have the right to hack that bossware to undetectably disable it (and hackers have the right to sell or give you that hack):

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/tech-rights-are-workers-rights-doordash-edition

On the new, good internet, we stop pretending that tech is stealing content from news companies, and focus on how tech steals money from the news, with app taxes, rigged ad markets, surveillance ads, and payola:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/04/saving-news-big-tech

The new, good internet is an internet where we seize the means of computation. It's an internet operated by and for the people who use it.

Hodgman is right. Nostalgia is a toxic impulse. The point of making a new, good internet isn't to revive the old, good internet. There were plenty of problems with the old, good internet. The point is to make a new, good internet that is the worthy successor to the old, good internet – and to consign the enshitternet to the scrapheap of history, an unfortunate transitional stage between one good internet and another.

Here's a link to the podcast episode:

https://craphound.com/news/2023/08/21/enshitternet-the-old-good-internet-deserves-a-new-good-internet/

and here's a direct link to the MP3 (hosting courtesy of the Internet Archive; they'll host your stuff for free, forever):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_448/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_448_-_Enshitternet.mp3

and here's a link to my podcast's RSS feed:

https://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/22/the-new-good-internet/#the-old-good-internet

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[ssstarscreamconjunx-alice]

Embers of a Starlit Flame|Chapter 7

The air between them has shifted again, into something... for lack of better terms, like puppy love.

Alice started walking about the base much more often, seeking him out. And Starscream began leaving little objects as gifts for her that he stole gathered from inside the base and some of the scouting missions. Leaving them for her to find. Or presenting them nonchalantly when they are alone.

Adoring the way she giggles in response to his displays.

And Alice has been noticing how some of the more immature or reckless bots provoke him during his tasks. Since being much more present around him despite her insecurity. He's been being given tasks such as general maintenance, or gophering, but they are increasing further in skill requirement and presence in the base as a whole- like how he’s ascended to the workshop’s occasional assistant.

Part of Starscream wants to provoke them back. See how far the Autobots’ brittle trust actually goes. Rarely have even the most arrogant of them put their servos on him. Maybe a shoulder-check or casually pushing him out of the way, not that it even phases him. Makes him bold. Reminds him of how far he would push his ex-commander’s patience, to see if it would have been the last time.

Bots like Sunstreaker get far too bold on occasion. Who got in his face, and it forced Alice to reveal herself to talk the other mech down. She isn’t taken totally seriously throughout the base, but perhaps well-liked. The younger bot grumbling in his retreat. More than likely because he’s not allowed to squish her.

That’s when the glances started. Hot, suggestive, or even soft and affectionate. Distracting each other.

He may have noticed her entering the room he’s working in, catching her eyes. The warmth, easy to receive and send his own teasing smirk her way. As though in a world of their own, being pulled into each other.

More than a few times, he’s noticed her shadowing him, until he started missing that presence during active hours. Seeking her out with some excuse, adoring her bashfulness when he appears, or when he catches her staring or following his footfall. It doesn’t matter what Cliffjumper said to him, he couldn’t hear it with his optics locked onto the redheaded femme– distracted yet again. Surely something in attempt to provoke him. The only bots that are persistently nice to him are Bumblebee and Jazz. Although he believes the spy bot is lying.

Both of which ask far too much about his personal life, particularly in relation to Alice. Bumblebee is far surer of it. But it isn’t his business. And both, far to nice to him for the Seeker’s comfort.

The base is alight with some hushed gossip, as it usually is. Because no one minds their business, aside from a few of the older mechs. Although the optics on Starscream never ceased, he’d catch the gaze of a few of the mech no longer filled to the core with disgust with him. Or perhaps it had always merely been distrust. Although imperfect, his presence feels a bit more tolerated. Getting used to him, even offering nonchalance in place of hatred.

His thoughts never stop spiraling at night as things become too good. He won’t ever truly trust his old foes. Alice is steadfast for him, but he won’t believe anyone, even the Prime, is as genuine.

Especially when overhearing Ratchet talk to the femme he’s become so attached to. Paranoia filling his Energon lines as he eavesdropped on Alice’s general checkup.

---

“What are you doing, Alice…?”

She gave the gruff, red and white mech a confused look to meet his suspicious one. Voice revealing his exhaustion. Perhaps, a little more irritated than usual due to the gossip. Drift talking his ear off about the redhead being caught all lovey-dovey with a certain ex-Con. She can’t tell his intention with the question, not a bit.

“I.. uh, what do you mean by that, Ratch’?” He continued his general exam of her, noting any changes to her physiology, while monitoring her alien elemental aura closely.

“You.. and the Seeker?” She couldn’t quite tell if it was disapproval or tiredness in his tone. Neither of them noticed the 'devil' they were talking about lurking in the doorway, listening in. She went silent to gather her thoughts; it’s as if fate knew she’d have chewed him out had he been anyone else bringing it up. She couldn’t truly argue with the old mech, not with how much respect she has for him.

“Whatever you heard, ol’ bot, I’m an adult. I don’t need your approval or your permission.”

Her inflection left little room for argument but wasn’t unkind. A more aggressive bot, or perhaps a more energetic one, may have fought it until the femme’s vocalizer broke but not him. And not her, if any organic being had the right to claim experience in Ratchet’s optics it was her.

Although Alice likes the approval of him and other Autobots that have become her family over the decades, she wouldn’t be swayed when they don’t know anything. Living longer than many of the humans that they knew before or having no reason to leave, it’s drawn her close to many of them, even the grumpy medic.

Ratchet sighed, sounding like an exhausted father dealing with far too many children. Pinching his olfactory ridge between two fingers. He dropped the subject, deciding it really isn’t worth the fight. She’s not a kid anymore. Although he made a note to school her on the risks of interspecies relationship whenever she decides to come clean.

Starscream assumed disapproval from the medic, huffing to himself. But his frame was somewhat warmer hearing her defend him like that. To defy someone, so stubbornly.

---

Starscream brings that event up in conversation not-so delicately. Admitting, shamelessly, that he’d eavesdropped into the medbay during her check-up. Asking her a question that has been burning in his processor. Although not the one he wants to ask the most. Tapping a servo on the counter beside him.

“Does anyone else know about you and I? Would you have stood up like that to anyone else? Or just the Chief Medical Officer?”

Alice sets down the dish she was washing to use, she let him finish his spiel before voicing any thoughts. The Seeker had followed her to the kitchen, mass-shifted, and kept rather quiet before his admission. His tone wasn’t accusing, moreso curious, trying to understand the history behind her and the Autobots. Feeling like an outsider to her life yet again. Resenting the gap between them even if only perceived. Perhaps hoping to hear her admit her care for him, that maybe she’d even stand up to the Prime.

“Uhm,” she looks down at the soapy sink, “Look, it’s none of their business.” Shaking her head and running a skillet under the water. Then patting it dry. She muses that Bumblebee probably knows, the yellow bug is pretty perceptive even if he hadn’t been present during Starscream’s defection. He at least had the decency to not tease her about it so far.

Starscream moves from the wall he was leaning on and takes the woman’s face into his servos. Her will, her defiance– extended to him, even if only for mere moments at a time. He decides to test that, to see in her optics if she’s untruthful.

“You still defend me, Alice? With such fire?” The mech hushes to her, smirking. The rasp tinting the word ‘fire’ makes her face flush, hands circling his wrist joints, and seeming to melt with the sweetest bashful smile. Fire? Not the right word, blunt maybe. Did she really sound that aggressive?

Finding only sincerity in her soft blue eyes, perhaps unspoken affection, the Seeker brushes her forehead with his dermas, pressing a few soft pecks to it. The impression that she has had to defend him often sits in his processor. There’s a gentleness that contrasts how little give his dermas have.

“Yeah..? I.. care for you. Why wouldn’ I?” Alice could have so easily admitted far more than just her care in the moment… but she can’t. Intuition or not, she can’t read his mind. She can see the soft intentions in his optics, but there’s always an anxiety that it will leave if she speaks her mind. She’s guided back towards the supplies she gathered for her breakfast and pulled into an embrace before he leans away slightly.

“Will you teach me, Alice..?” Voice lowered and purposefully huffing some air out of his intake. Teach..? Oh, right. Her breakfast.

“To.. cook?” Starscream gives her a smile with parted dermas and a curt nod. She tilts her head, faced scrunched in soft confusion. Very phased by his proximity. He snickers, not parting from her.

“For. You?” Mimicking her pauses just to tease her. He leans in slightly, locking his ruby optics with hers. His kiss is chaste, quick. Easily stealing her breath and encouraging her response.

“Mmn.. Okay.” The gesture is rather sweet. Wanting to learn even more how to care for her like this? Alice’s core shivers with an innocent giddiness. She turns to list the pans, the vegetables and spices. Showing off to him how she can crack an egg with one hand before guiding him to try normally with the other. Somehow the anxiety about them that ferments in her is often scared away by his presence.

The tools are small in his servos even as small while he’s shifted. But he manages to mix ingredients the way she instructed without breaking anything. Scratch that, he did break an egg by dropping it. But the plastic utensils he also dropped remain intact. A few snarky remarks lace their banter from the both of them, leaving an echo of overlapping laughter next to each other. Shredding potatoes, cutting vegetables and then mixing everything altogether to make a simple breakfast skillet. Starscream is far from incompetent even if his skill comes from several unrelated experiences..

Although he couldn’t eat it and had to be coached how not to burn everything in the pan, the food came out rather well. Getting to be attached at the hip was comforting, enveloping her whenever his hands became unoccupied, and indulging in the way she leaned into him every time. Unbothered by his closeness, easily readjusting to accommodate his bulky frame caging her.

Starscream wastes no time scooping her up and out of the kitchen and back to their habsuite once her plate it gathered, rising to full size for the walk back. All so she could eat, cushioned by bedding while they snuggle and watch a Sci-fi movie Starscream couldn’t help tearing into. Commenting on inconsistencies in the writing, the dialogue or how unrealistic the scientific elements were. But, Alice was more focused on his voice than the show, giggling to his rant, and soaking in the soft mechanical rumble that accompanies his piercing voice.

Their morning was unfortunately interrupted by his comms. Ironhide’s lower voice cutting through the calm and relaying how his skill was needed for a recent occurrence.

They needed airborne support for a rather unusual scouting mission, an escape pod signal alerted Telatraan I, which is of Autobot origin. Seemingly. No sign of Decepticons but the area was suspiciously placed and caution was advised to the Seeker. Causing a groan to rattle him, not wanting to part with Alice just yet.

“I’ll be here when you get back…? Be careful.” Her voice is soft, worried and it is reassuring, however, the mission irks him. His skills could get them the escape pod and whatever is in it while also providing air support in the open clearing. It sounds easy.

Starscream reluctantly stands them up, looking down at the femme, and grazing her arms in his servos. Before awarding her a kiss to her forehead. She seems to like it, so it’s a habit he doesn’t mind keeping. Her hips are pulled flush with his while he leaves a few more igniting kisses onto her neck. Then her lips. As if an excuse to stall a little longer.

“I will return to you..” Mumbled with a softness not now uncommon for him, against her neck for moments longer. Unwilling to say a true goodbye, Starscream pulls from her hesitantly before turning on his heel and mass-shifting so he can make it to the landing bay. Leaving Alice chewing her lip, watching him go.

Thoughts of her encumber his processor as he shadows the ground base scouts from the clouds. The usually freeing feeling of the skies feel rather hollow. He can no longer repress the need to keep her. One he gets back he wants her to himself.

Today he would. He has to… to ask her and..

Chatter on the scouting comms rips him from his thoughts. The pod is found in a clearing in the trees, likely caused by its crash. Starscream lands nearby to the Autobots, keeping his distance until he’s needed. The ruined convoy obscured in it’s origin, even if the colors scream Autobot.

But something catches his optic even from that distance. Suspicion scrunches the Seeker’s faceplate as he draws closer to the escape pod. It’s.. convincing, but he’s seen it’s blueprints. Earlier. From the engineering bay back on the nemesis. A tool for infiltration watered down to a distraction?

It’s already far too late when he’s close enough to see the familiar soldering lines; clanking and whirring of far too many alt-modes rattle through the nearby trees, and a growl that sends ice through the Seeker’s struts. Turning, the scarred face of his old master is twisted into a gleeful kind of menace. Far too close to him for his liking, strutting closer which pushes the Seeker back. His stance readied in aggression, leaving the Seeker no room to plan, escape, or lie his way out of this.

“Starscream… you must have known I would find you, betrayer.”

---

The Autobot command is a buzz with loud voices and clattering pedes when Alice returns from her paperwork, a team prepped to emergency ground bridge out. Something very rarely used because of the energy required. Autobots whipping in and out, and all around the room in a rush.

“What’s going on?” She pulls one of the medic bots aside. Distracting him from supply gathering and prepping. Some other bots waiting on the consoles for more information.

“The rogue escape pod mission went south, an ambush. Comms were offline up until now, and our bots couldn’t reach the base until nearly everyone was injured.” Shaking his head in exasperation and worry.

Striding past him and rushing up to Ratchet and Hound prepping their supplies, curbed by the Ambulance bot stepping in her way.

“No kid, you have to stay.”

“But–!”

“Nope. Nuh-uh. We don’t know the state of the site with those dampeners up, it’s too dangerous.” He places a dwarfing servo on her shoulder, kneeled over.

“I get it. You can help when we bring them back. But we can’t risk it.”

Alice overhears the signal that chimes for the medic bots, interrupting him; they both turn to look in the direction of it.

“It’s bad out here we need back-up..! Starscream was corralled into the trees and isn’t answering his comms, we don’t have any unoccupied men to go find him. We’re still missing one other scout.”

---

[gophergal]

Gah! The WRETCHED Organ!

[theoverlordmisha]

Oh, if anyone cares about my work crush saga, I decided to stay in a hotel Saturday night because I had the supernatural con that day before a 430am start for Vikings on Sunday. I got roped into helping with gophers football because they were short staffed. Work crush lives downtown, so I got him to walk me back to my hotel and we ended up sitting outside chatting for almost an hour. He told me today that he had wanted to kiss me.

[tinta-turquesa]

Con el pasar de los días la tensión entre ellos se vuelve cada vez mas grande y abrumadora, lo que hacia pensar atodos a su alrededor que existía cierta rivalidad entre maestro y alumna.

Pero la verdad era que aunque parecían no soportarse siempre se buscaban y provocaban el uno al otro. Ya sea en clases, con las burlas que hacia Dee a Heavy, la cual no dudaba en responderle con sarcasmo;o en detención cuando las discusiones se ponían mas intensas entre ellos.

Y así durante una semana fue un tira y afloja de lado y lado... hasta un viernes.

Las clases ese día se terminaron más temprano debido a un festival que se desarrollaría en el instituto de Heavy, que caminaba rumbo a su casa distraída hasta que choca con alguien.

- Pero miren a quien tenemos aquí...- 

La pelirroja alza la mirada y enseguida su rostro hace una mueca al reconocer quien estaba frente a ella.

-¿Qué quieres Gopher?-responde malhumorada-

- ¿Qué es ese tono? ¿No me digas que esa escuela para ricos te ha vuelto engreída como ellos?- dice burlón-

- Eso no es de tu incumbencia Gopher, ahora con permiso- pasa a un lado de él-

-¡Ey!- le bloquea el paso- No hemos terminado de hablar-

- Yo no tengo nada de que hablar contigo-

-Oh yo creo que sí - le toma de la muñeca con fuerza-

Aunque no tenía nada que ver, Heavy no puede evitar comparar su actual situación con la que tuvo con Dee, que aún estando molesto jamás la lastimo cuando tomo su muñeca, muy al contrario de lo que Gopher estaba haciendo.

-¡Suéltame Gopher!- jala su brazo tratando de soltarse- ¡Me estas lastimando idiota!

- ¿Desde cuándo eres tan delicada?-se burla de ella- Antes no eras así-

-¿Eres un retrasado o qué? - le gruñe sin dejarse intimidar- ¿A caso el rap por fin te pudrió el cerebro?-

-Esa es la Heavy que conozco- suelta una carcajada- feroz, con una boquita muy floja para su propio bien-

- Y tú eres demasiado estúpido para tu propio bien- con fuerza la pelirroja le pisa el pie y lo golpea en el abdomen-

-¡Mierda!- suelta un grito por el dolor soltando a la ojiverde- Sigues siendo una maldita -le lanza un golpe al rostro-

El golpe es tan fuerte que hace caer a Heavy al suelo.

-Ni... lo sentí- se levanta del suelo despacio, limpiándose la mejilla-

-Te daré algo que sientas en serio entonces-se acerca a ella-

Ambos se miran por un par de segundos... listos para enfrentarse...

- No es la mejor forma de tratar a una chica, aún si es Heavy- dice seriamente una tercera voz-

La joven se congela por unos segundos no tenía necesidad de voltear para saber de quien se trataba. 

- ¿Y tu quién eres?- gruñe Gopher-

- ¿Qué hace aquí?- la pelirroja se da la vuelta -

- Vamos Heavy, te llevaré a tu casa- dice Dee ignorando las preguntas que le hacen-

- Yo...-mira dudosa al rubio-

- Nosotros tenemos estamos resolviendo un tema pendiente- el castaño agarra del hombro a Heavy atrayéndola a él-

- No tengo nada pendiente contigo idiota- hace una mueca por el dolor del agarre-

- Suéltala- el ojiazul frunce el ceño-

- No necesito su ayuda tampoco-

- ¿Ahora necesitas un protector Heavy? - mofándose de ella- Pobre y patética Hea...-

Gopher no puede terminar la frase porque el puño de Dee golpea de lleno su cara.

-Te dije que la soltarás no que parlotees como imbécil- dice abriendo y cerrando la mano para aliviar el dolor-

- Tu... oh no sabes en lo que te acabas de meter ricitos- se truena el cuello-

[xiaomercy]

"Nightingale" Sunday/Robin/Gopher Wood

Warnings: Underage/Non-Con/Grooming/Incest

Word Count: 10.0k

Summary: Robin deals with the trauma of what happened not long ago, seeking Gopher Wood for help in learning more about her body. She tries coping with her trauma by taking it back, but is unaware that her actions are sinful and wrong. Luckily, her brother loves her very much and is willing to teach her the way things are supposed to go.

Originally Posted On AO3 Aug 2024

[davisexplainableart]

Sorry I posted this past midnight, I got distracted.

January 17, 2020 (National Cheese Day):

(Davis, in Scorpi's body, and Chao are talking to each other on a farm that's being used as that week's filming location)

Chao: So, you're saying that you're no longer a penguin now?

Davis: Well, yes, but I also noticed something else.

Chao: What?

Davis: When I changed back, I realized that the length of my hair was somewhat uneven, since I couldn't do anything about the back for 2 whole years.

Chao: And?

Davis: Well... it turns out that I have a freaking mullet now.

Chao: *chuckles under her breath*

Davis: Chao!

Chao: What? It's funny! Besides, you can just get it cut if you don't like it.

*graphic appears onscreen stating that Dexter's Laboratory was next*

Davis: Yes, I guess you're right...

================================================

Great gopher! How long has it been since the last proper Fridays post? Aside from that one from last week, I think it's been an entire month!

I gravely apologize for the sudden disappearance of these posts (for anyone who cares about that).

While I'm still trying to catch up to where I'm supposed to be, here's another 2020 segment for now.

This particular show only included Mixels segments (aside from some pre-recorded stuff that featured the main cast), since Tara was in Albuquerque, NM on January 17th for a local Comic Con.

Catch ya later!